narcolepsy | Jikan inbox

you're very generous to share such a special day with him, did you know that? but i'm glad that you are.

i want to make sure he has a happy day. even if he is not my jasper, or your jasper, i've seen that his heart is good.

because he's special too... you are all special to me.

[ baein's heart lurches in his chest for a second before it stills again and he takes a moment to reply. ]

i want that too. and... and you're good too, you know? even if you're not my daeshim, you're still... i still love you too. and i'm glad we could celebrate your birthday as well.

it was a very special day to me! i'll never forget it!

which is why i'm suddenly thinking about these things. i'm so grateful that you all were born and here in such a place with me, to celebrate these days. i'm going to make you happy. not just on your birthday, but every day. I hope I'm cursed nine times if I don't.

i hope you're not cursed, that would be horrible! no matter what!

but... i'm, i'm very thankful to you too. i wasn't even...

[ he's typing, and then he stops, finding words inadequate. ]

i think i said it before that i felt a little lost, because at home i'm not— i can't ask for what i want because it would not be proper. i didn't think it would ever happen but now, maybe...

i don't know, i'm typing nonsense, i apologize.

no. feelings are never nonsense.

[and he can feel bae's emotion, even through the texted words.]

can i come and cuddle you?

yes.

please.

[he absolutely naruto-runs to wherever bae is, near or far. daeshim doesn't fling himself at the other, but he wants to.

instead he will gently join him, pressing close while trying to make sure that they're both comfortable.]

[ if baein is surprised that the fae gets there so fast, he doesn't mention it, and instead immediately curls up with the fae as close as he can, a shiver going through his body at the heat radiating from the other. he might not be able to drink his blood, but this is the next best thing. and he just likes cuddles okay. ]

Hi.

[ his voice is soft, and he reaches up to card his fingers through daeshim's hair for a moment. ]

Thank you for listening to my ramble.

Always.

[it's not a word that daeshim takes lightly. nothing that he says is said lightly, because he most of all knows the power that words can hold. but this is a promise that he can make without hesitation: he will always be there to listen to bae, no matter what.

he rests his head against the other's shoulder, closing his eyes for a moment to just enjoy the feeling of bae's touch. but eventually he opens his eyes again and looks up at him.]

It can be just that easy, as easy as I asked you for this. Whether it's me, or Jasper, Lennon too. We would give you anything that you want or need.

baein closes his eyes too, hums when daeshim speaks, and whispers an "always for me too" back. when he cracks his eyes open again it's to catch daeshim's, and he blinks slowly, feeling completely content right there cuddled up to the fae.

I don't need much. It's okay like this.

[ just this, this is perfectly fine. it's more than baein has had ever, and he adores daeshim for giving him this much, touch and love and just... being there. ]

I-I mean... I love you. I just want to give you whatever you want or need too.

You do. You will.

[because he's enough like the baein that daeshim knew and also loved. giving is a part of who he is.]

But you always speak of 'needs' when it comes to yourself.

[daeshim presses against him again, cheek resting against him.]

You hold yourself back. I know.

Dae...

[ it's breathless, the way he says daeshim's name, exhaled into the air around them. daeshim in his own world might have been proper and modest, but he was always, always honest and true, like daeshim is right now. baein's heart seizes with how the other easily reds through baein's words in a way that leaves baein at a loss for words, rebuttals, or anything. because he doesn't even realize it himself. ]

But— it's true that I don't—

[ holding himself back... but what else could he do, when it's what he's done all his life. but what he wants is so different. so much more, and baein buries his face against the side of daeshim's head. hid voice is muffled into a mumble. ]

How do you know that?

It's all over you.

[he says it quietly, his eyes closing.]

In your eyes. In the way your lips sometimes part but then you don't say anything. Even the way you stand, always back.

[like he's not sure he belongs with anyone but wants to. daeshim watched his bae for a very long time. eventually he learned how to pay attention.]

[ something behind the prince's eyes and at the back of his throat shoots through with a burn and he swallows thickly because he doesn't want to feel like this right now.

daeshim is reading him like an open book and sees things that baein didn't even see himself. and the vampire hates the way his heart both lurches and doesn't move at all. (it's the latter. it's not moved in weeks, and he knows that.) ]

You... I... [ the words are whispered and baein hitches on air before he swallows again. ] I not try to.

Why?

[daeshim lifts his eyes to him, the question soft on his lips. he even gives bae a soft and supportive smile.]

What are your fears? You can tell me. You can tell me anything, always.

[ baein can't look away, though his eyes flicker a little, and he swallows. ]

I don't want to impose. I'm not great at this, and... I don't want to get in the way. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't have a claim on anything...

[ he ducks his head and his voice wavers, lowers to a whisper. ]

Just because I want something doesn't mean I can just. Demand it.

But you can.

[sorry bae, old habits die hard. it takes daeshim a moment to really think about his words, and understand why he might feel that way.]

What I mean is...you should be honest. You should tell others what you want, and what you hope for. I'm sure they...I would want to know.

[he tries to gently lift his chin and look him in the eyes again.]

And then you must trust what they tell you.

[ daeshim starts to speak and of course he doesn't see what baein means, and baein is about to protest, but then he quiets, because he's proven wrong. again. and all because he was too caught up in his own wallowing.

the prince lets daeshim tilt his head up, and he meets his eyes, his own wide and a little worried, but he swallows and nods. there's nothing but logic there, and it squashes his insecurities, slowly but surely. ]

I do trust you...

[ he just doesn't trust himself as much, but he wants to. ]

Well, I am very trustworthy!

[for a fae. which sets the bar pretty low, honestly. but he looks proud of himself anyway, because baein paid him a compliment. bae says that he trusts him, and it's-

well it's not everything that he wants. maybe he should take more of his own advice.]

Mm, I think you are.

[ not just because he's daeshim and essentially the same as the daeshim baein knows while still being so wildly different... baein just. trusts him, without restraint. because it feels right.

he smiles a little at the other, mellowed from their conversation, and just very grateful for daeshim being there, for even coming over. ]

[he would come to him for this and nothing more if that's what bae wanted. just to talk, just to make him feel better.

but there was another reason that the fae came to him, and he remembers it suddenly.]

Oh!

[sorry, didn't mean to make you jump.]

Bae, do what does 'slutty' mean?

[ the vampire almost does jump, blinking at staring at the fae for a second at the question.

and then he blinks again. ]

What?

[ after thinking for a second, baein does think he knows, but his cheeks go a pale pink at the vague implication he recalls, still a little confused if this is what daeshim means. ]

I think it's- it's a certain way of dressing yourself in a more revealing manner...?

Hmm.

[he blinks and looks away for a moment. his thoughtful face really does make him look grumpy. but it brightens again after a moment.]

We should find some clothes like this, you and I!

Eh? We... we should?

[ baein can't imagine why they'd need clothes like that, but he looks more surprised than unwilling. ]

Why...?

Have you ever worn them?

[daeshim hasn't. and judging by his reaction, baein hasn't either.]

Don't you want to see what everyone thinks of you in them? I'm very curious about that now!

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I try not to* wow i was tired writing that

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